Mischief and Malarkey
by opens up 4 nobody
Summary: Usopp has the best birthday ever but he was born on April Fools Day so...


Here on Fibber Island  
We strum rubber guitars  
Our friends live on Mars  
And we sew buttons on our cars

-"Fibber Island" They Might Be Giants

XxxX

Zoro the proud Therizinosaurus stood on his two scaly legs gazing out across the flat planes of land before him, land that one day would be the country of Mongolia. He was a cold blooded reptile of the late Cretaceous period, between the Maastrichtian and Campanian ages about seventy million years ago. His height was fifteen feet (four point six meters) and thirty five feet in length (eleven meters), large enough to gain a good view over the landscape.

He flexed his three long scythe like claws, wishing for something to tear into. He looked from side to side in search for a victim. There was a little fleshy monkey creature called Luffy down by the lake but he wouldn't be much of a meal and Zoro liked watching him stumbling around, he was always trying to ride other creatures far larger than himself. No, he had more challenging prey in mind, Zoro never liked to do things the easy way.

He could go after the tiny Oviraptor, Nami the egg snatching thief, she terrified all the local dinosaur babies but crushing her would be like squashing an annoying insect. It would be no fun at all.

Zoro ran to closer to the lake, stepping over Brook who was nothing more than a pile of bones so old that it was impossible to know what he had once been. Usopp, the duck billed Saurolophus, was stamping through the muddy water with Chopper the small Deltatheridium sitting on a rock outcrop. Chopper was the strangest little thing Zoro had ever seen. He was so small that he was almost undetectable and he was completely covered in fur. He looked like a weasel, a creature Zoro would never live to know, and would be the common ancestor of many marsupials.

When Usopp saw Zoro he called out in fear and fled the water, leaving Chopper to dart for his tiny home burrowed in the ground. They may have been nearly the same size but Usopp was a coward as well as a herbivore.

Zoro was about to give up hope in finding a good fight when he heard a loud roar from behind him. He saw Sanji the Tarbosaurus coming up over a hill and headed toward him. This was exactly what he wanted, Sanji was always good for a fight. He was thirty three feet long (ten meters) and eleven feet tall (three meters) they were nearly the same size. A cousin of the North American Tyranosarus Rex, what Sanji lacked in size he made up for in long sharp teeth. The large reptiles sized each other up before charging forward.

They had often fought and had many scars to prove it. Sanji lunged at him as Zoro slashed with his talons. Sanji's teeth pierced his shoulder as his claws tore open the soft skin of Sanji's underbelly. Sanji only bit down harder as Zoro raked a clawed had across his face, gouging out an eye. Sanji screamed in pain, releasing his shoulder. Zoro took the opportunity to rake his good arm over his throat before going in with his teeth to tear at his flesh.

The fight wore on for nearly an hour, both dinosaurs broken and bloody before Sanji was finally forced down and there he lay dead. Zoro roared victoriously before leaning over to eat his fallen foe. Sanji was dead and Zoro lived to fight another day.

"I'm not dead!" shouted Sanji, the human boy, aiming a kick at Zoro's stupid human head.

Zoro dodged out of the way, laughing maniacally. "Yes, you are, I killed you!" he taunted, dodging another kick.

"You can't kill me, the Therizinosaurus isn't even a carnivore!" Sanji argued.

Zoro scoffed, "You don't know that, they've never found a head so they can't be sure."

"But they're related to a family of plant eaters so it seems pretty unlikely, idiot. And besides, you're playing with a Brontosaurus, that's a plant eater too."

Zoro rolled his eyes. "So, you're playing with a Tyrannosaurus rex."

"But they're similar so it's not so bad," Sanji insisted, dodging a fist to the face.

"So what? None of us are playing with the right things, it's just a game." That was very true, Chopper was playing with a rat, Brook was playing with a rubbery human skeleton, Usopp was playing with a duck, Nami was playing with a Velociraptor, and Luffy was playing with a Polly Pocket with her hair pulled out even though he was pretending to be a man and they had plenty of green army dudes.

"Mrs. Robin says it's always important to be historically accurate," Sanji huffed.

"Then why is Luffy a human? They aren't supplied to exist for another sixty something million years," the green haired boy pointed out.

"Guys," Luffy shouted, "I told you, I'm a time traveller. I came to the past to capture dinosaurs."

"I'm going to come eat you," Nami said moving her dinosaur to attack Luffy's person.

Luffy shouted and they started arguing over who was winning and the cheaty-ness of Luffy's magic using abilities as Brook laughed at them all and Zoro and Sanji kept hitting each other. Ah, the energy of children, what he wouldn't give to be a little thing like them again.

"Yohoho, I do believe it is Usopp's birthday, maybe he should be the one to decide the winners," Brook suggested.

All eyes turned to Usopp expectantly. The long nosed boy laughed nervously. It was his ninth birthday and thus he deserved the authority to make such an important decision. He would just have to be careful that he he made the right choice.

"Yeah, why don't you pick a winner, Usopp," said Sanji threateningly trying to look scarier than Zoro but that wasn't an easy task. Zoro had the scarier face.

Usopp hesitated for a moment, stammering incoherently before he shouted, "Nami and Zoro win," and he ran out the door before Sanji could attack him. Not getting the satisfaction of an easy take down, Sanji ran after the long nosed boy, down the stairs, past Robin who was sipping some tea while she read, and out the door. They were persuaded by the rest of the room's inhabitants out to the field in front of Franky's house. The sky was dark and heavy with unfallen water. The air was warm but the breeze felt like the cool of a storm and it blew dirt up into the air around their feet.

They ran, their feet crushing the still partially winter dead grass. It was only just starting to get some colour back. As Usopp stumbled and fell over an unseen rock a gust of wind blew a dust cloud around their ankles. Sanji skidded to a stop before he could trip over him, although he didn't start kicking him as intended. Instead he was distracted by the wind blowing through the trees as they creeked in protest. He stood looking up toward the sky as the others approached.

Usopp noticed this and turned to see what had distracted the blond. His mouth fell open at what he saw. The sky seemed suddenly very dark, the clouds were moving alarmingly quickly through the sky. The watched, transfixed as a shape fell through the dark clouds while lightning flashed on the horizon, followed by a low roll of thunder. The shape was huge, cylindrical, and reflective. It descended slowly to reveal a perfectly cliché ufo. They were all too shocked to move.

There was a shimmer on the grass in front of them and three bodies appeared before them. One was a girl that looked Nami's age with blue hair tied up in a ponytail, the others were horrible fleshy monsters with four stalked eyes, smooth scaly skin, and six tentacle legs and four clawed arms like a kangaroo. They were terrifying.

"Greetings," said the blue haired girl, her voice strangely wavering like she didn't know how to put proper inflections on her words. "I have come to learn more about your planet. I have taken your form so you will not fear me."

"Why couldn't you all take that form?" Sanji asked, she might not be terrifying on her own but with the other two there the effect was ruined.

She bit her lip and huffed, "We only had one illustrationary device on hand," she explained. "So, what is it that you people do?" She asked.

Luffy ignored her question in favor of his own, "Do you want to play dinosaurs with us?" he asked.

She cocked her head, "Dinosaurs?"

"Yeah, you can come play with us if you want."

She eyed him nervously, "Alright," she agreed, "I will play... dinosaurs with you."

They introduced her to Robin and brought her up to the play room and showed her how to play. She wasn't very good at being a dinosaur but she liked playing with the stuffed duck they had. Her alien guards watched on, every so often making gurgling sounds at her.

It was dark when it was time for her to leave but she stayed long enough to eat Usopp's birthday cake and take part in the party. They gave her the duck a parting gift from the planet earth. She turned to them as she stood in the rain, waiting to be transported back up to her ship.

"Goodbye, friends. I am sorry I must leave like this," she said sadly.

"Can't we go for a ride in your ship?" Luffy whined.

The girl thought for a moment, "No," she said, "We only have the capability of maintaining one of you on board."

"But can't we go one at a time?"

"No, I have other planets to visit. I'm making my tour before claim ownership of this solar system," she explained.

"You're going to own our solar system?" Nami asked.

"Yes, I promise I will take very good care of it. It will probably become a good source of raw materials."

"That sounds lame."

"That's how the universe works. Anyway, happy date of birth, Usopp," She said sadly, raising her hand in a human goodbye. The children and Brook, Robin, and Franky, who had shown up during the party did the same as she fazed back up to her hovering craft.

Although their new alien friend had gone, Usopp decided that this was the best birthday he had every experienced. They went back inside to prepare for bed.

Rising high above the earth, the princess Vivi let her human form melt away to her original skin. She liked those humans, she thought they kind and fun, it was a shame that their planet had to be removed, sentient beings weren't allowed in mining fields, they always caused trouble. She entered the high council room, the inhabitants rose from their seats, those with the capability to do so, when she entered.

"Lady Vivi," one said humbly, "Have you chosen your momentous?"

"I have," she said, "I want the five human children I met with."

The creature nodded and she was breezed out of the room to go to her chambers, the duck still clenched in her hands. It was customary when destroying a planet for a person of high birth to take something for themselves and something for the Museum of Dead Planets, along with a download of their histories and technology. It always made her rather sad to see the planets destroyed and whenever she met nice people on the surface she took them for the museum, sealed in clear solid casing like a giant paper weight.

She gazed out her window and waited of the inevitable explosion that was sure to follow. When it happened there was a bright flash and suddenly there was nothing where there had once been something. The planet's one moon seemed to hesitate for a moment before it started away from where the earth had once been, free of its greater gravity and heading in whatever direction it had been going. Vivi turned from the free moon when there was a knock at her door. One of her guards lead her to the storage rooms where there was a scene frozen in time; five human children grinning as they brushed their teeth and prepared for bed, ending the most exciting day of their lives.

The End.

XxxX

A/N: Pffff, Usopp didn't even get to be the main focus of a story I made for his birthday XD oh well, I don't like him enough to change it. This is what he gets for being born on April fools day.

I don't even know what happened, I just wanted to write about dinosaurs, just ignore me I'm just being dumb.

Thanks.


End file.
